There's a difference? I've got no filter!

So Tonya posted a blog today talking about the "Knoah Phenomenon", which is something quite familiar to most of us with dwarf children. You know, you walk around anywhere on the planet where you can encounter people you don't know, and everyone - I mean EVERYONE - does a double take, and stops to stare. Now typically, in our experience, it's not meant as a negative thing. Most often, the reaction we get is some variant of "My gosh, she's so adorable!" We've been kind of proud of that when it comes to Caitlin anyway, but the level of it has really stepped up a notch or three over the last month or so, as she's really hitting that "I'm not an infant" stage in her development.

The line that really got me thinking, and then writing, was Tonya's response to a comment from a friend of the family that he really doesn't see anything different, he doesn't see "small" or "handicapped", he just sees Knoah. Tonya's response, truncated for space, was "Why is it okay in some situations to say something and not other’s? Where is that line people are suppose to have?" Man, I can so identify with that question!!

For some reason, nothing's really considered to be "off limits" unless it's been through a decade or so of public criticism, and even then it's still touch and go. As you probably know, being in a mixed race relationship with mixed race kids still gets plenty of looks, and occasionally, comments. I almost decked a lady in WalMart a month or so back who simply would not believe that the little brown-skinned boy that I was helping try on shoes was my son. Even after Evan called me "daddy" she didn't want to walk away!

It's even worse when the difference is one that isn't at all common. Like it or not, mixed race couples are everywhere, and people are learning to shut up about it. Dwarfs, on the other hand, are usually only visible in movies, and then as a joke at least half the time. Our kids are crazy cute, but part of that cuteness comes from their perceived precociousness - the ability to do things that children their size shouldn't be able to do. This weekend we were at a restaurant and Caitlin was, as usual, being very vocal and proactive in her own feeding, and was looking around the room taking the measure of everything in eyesight, all while attempting to stand up in the high chair without support.

The young lady (probably mid-20's) at the table next to us kept staring and smiling at Caitlin, and giggling at every cute little thing she would do. Finally, the shared pleasure in watching Caitlin overcame the natural separation we all create while in public, and she began to overflow about how adorable Caitlin was. We, of course, had no problem accepting the compliments, because we absolutely agree. Then she asked the dreaded question - "how old is she?" Our answer, of course, was a proud "14 months". We're quite happy with her development - the fact that she's at age appropriate levels for almost all motor skills development is something we're quite proud of!

Her reaction was "I'm sorry - what did you say?" You could tell that she'd heard the response, but it didn't make any sense to her, so she'd assumed that she'd heard wrong. Logical enough, as the human thought pattern goes. We repeated "14 months" and continued smiling. You could almost see the wheels spinning in her head, completely failing to get any traction. Her first response was "Wow!" She struggled for a response for a minute (well, it was actually probably 10 seconds or so, but the awkwardness of the moment made it seem like a full 60) and finally turned to her dinner companion and said "my daughter must be huge!"

Honestly, I almost lost it, laughing hysterically on the inside. We've, predictably, dealt with plenty of the "but she's so little!" type comments as we've been out and about with Caitlin, but this was the first time I'd ever had anybody assume that Caitlin was average and their own child was the aberration! I had to mark that as a truly memorable moment in our lives.

The problem is that one of the primary adaptations that the human mind has developed is the ability to quickly categorize objects it encounters for easier processing. This, starting with the identification of simple shapes in early childhood education settings, is the basis for every high level thought that the human mind is capable of. We create symbols of things in our mind to allow our mind to process and manipulate the symbol in ways we can't process or manipulate the original object, and this allows us to think and process faster. It's why there is some truth to the commonly joked about statement that "all you (insert racial color description here) people look alike to me!". The reality is that our brain categorizes every single thing we see by shape, color, size, etc., starting with the generalities, and if we only see one or two examples of a shape, size, or color, we get them easily confused while the brain tries to figure out where to fit this new example.

I remember working local crew on the Tim & Faith tour many years ago, and being surprised at the t-shirts being worn by the only two African American road crew on the tour. At this point, the typical road crew was white, male, and late twenties to early thirties, so seeing anything that differed from that standard was very unusual. Because of the vast confusion this had caused on shows in the past, they both wore shirts on the front of which was printed "Hi, I'm (insert name, which escapes me after so many years)", and on the back of which was printed, in large block letters, "No, I'm the other black guy". The intent was to have some fun with the fact that they didn't look dramatically dissimilar, and thanks to that were constantly being mistaken for each other, but I thought it was a much more interesting commentary on something that has been both a blessing and a curse for all of humanity.

Anyway, this started as a response to Tonya's post, but ended up developing into something much longer, but really I think I mostly agree with Knoah's PT who said that the problem is when people look at Knoah, or any of our kids, they immediately classify them as babies or infants, and then become completely flummoxed by the fact that developmentally they can't be babies at all. Since we've all heard of prodigies, and never realize that dwarfs start as children, and really do occur in everyday, ordinary families, the brain immediately rejects the developmental age and accepts the visual age. Immediately the brain shuts off its filter, and the owner of the brain starts using its mouth instead.

Anyway, I need to go to a series of production meetings, so lemme wrap by saying we have an important meeting with Caitlin's geneticist on Friday, where we will be pressing to have all the testing done that is apparently standard for other kids with achondroplasia, but was never done for Caitlin, so I will have much to report after that, and we are also heading for the District 12 Fall Regional in San Jose the weekend after. Should be much to come!!

Tata for now...